My Loss

Before I got pregnant with my son and daughter I suffered a miscarriage. The Hubbs and I had just gotten married when I found out I was with child. It wasn't as exciting as I always imagined it would be. At the time we didn't feel like we were ready for a baby, therefore the news wasn't met with great joy on our part.
My parents on the other hand were delighted and overjoyed. They went and bought the baby toys that week and my mom started making plans about the nursery and what not. I wanted to feel somewhat joyous, but the pregnancy was draining me. I felt incredibly tired and exhausted, more than I had ever felt my entire life. It was not a great feeling and I guess it didn't help that in the back of our minds we really weren't ready for a baby.
About a month after I found out about our pregnancy I lost the baby. I began spotting on a Sunday and by Tuesday I had miscarried. I felt guilty afterwards because in my mind I felt like I had rejected the baby. At  times I see my son and daughter and wonder about that first one. I don't allow myself to dwell on the "what ifs" too much because the guilt and the emotions overwhelm me. I never truly grieved my loss, I broke down in the car after I was told I was having a miscarriage, but at that moment I still held hope that something could be done to save the pregnancy. Thinking back at that time however, I feel like my emotions were a bit stiff. Not so much because I didn't care at all, but because I truly didn't have that maternal instinct yet. Ironically after I had my son I longed for that baby and even though I didn't get to meet her/him I will always love that little angel. Her/His loss made me appreciate and love my other two so much more.

My wild Baby Girl

Anyone who has ever said that little girls are better behaved than little boys must not have one of their own. My baby girl is 1 and from the moment she was born she has been our feisty little troublemaker. When I heard her cry for the first time she had an angry cry and immediately began throwing her hands around as if trying to fight the nurses. Even at a few months old I could tell she had a shorter fuse than her older brother, her temper would go from 0-10 in a second. I know they say that each child is different, but I didn't think their characters and personalities were going to be so opposite from each other. She's a little dare devil and our son has always been extremely cautious. She loves to fight and will not hesitate to defend herself if need be, to were her brother was more relax. The Hubbs always said that we had it too good with the first one, therefore we were going to struggle more with this one. Although, I don't quite see it that way, I do have to admit it has been a bumpier road this time around, but I love her strong personality and the fact that she will definitely always stand up for herself.
Even with as wild as my baby girl is I wouldn't change anything about her, regardless she will always be my sweet baby girl.

My big boy

When my son was born everyone told me to enjoy him while he was small because soon he wouldn't be a baby any more. At the time I wished he would hurry up and walk and talk, so I could play with him and enjoy him more. Now I see him and I realize how right those people were. I go through pictures of when he was small and I cannot believe he was ever that small. My little guy was born very small and to see how big he is now makes me a bit teary eye. 
With my daughter being born I some times feel guilty that I don't give him enough quality time. I guess it can also be mommy guilt, but some times I feel like I don't tell him I love him enough. At times I feel like I'm too short with him and it bugs me because I had never been like this with him. Some times I wish I could go back in time and enjoy his infancy more, but I realize that time is gone and I should enjoy him now.
When I speak to him I realize how fast his mind is developing and it amazes me. I realize he is a big boy not only physically, but mentally too. He likes to remind me that he is not a baby anymore, but I always tell him that no matter how old he gets he will always be my baby.