My big boy

When my son was born everyone told me to enjoy him while he was small because soon he wouldn't be a baby any more. At the time I wished he would hurry up and walk and talk, so I could play with him and enjoy him more. Now I see him and I realize how right those people were. I go through pictures of when he was small and I cannot believe he was ever that small. My little guy was born very small and to see how big he is now makes me a bit teary eye. 
With my daughter being born I some times feel guilty that I don't give him enough quality time. I guess it can also be mommy guilt, but some times I feel like I don't tell him I love him enough. At times I feel like I'm too short with him and it bugs me because I had never been like this with him. Some times I wish I could go back in time and enjoy his infancy more, but I realize that time is gone and I should enjoy him now.
When I speak to him I realize how fast his mind is developing and it amazes me. I realize he is a big boy not only physically, but mentally too. He likes to remind me that he is not a baby anymore, but I always tell him that no matter how old he gets he will always be my baby.

Whats the Perfect Number?

I had someone tell me that the Hubbs and I are making a mistake by not having more kids. So I ask them what is the perfect number? Is there really a perfect number? I don't think so, in my opinion it's whatever you and your partner feel comfortable with.
Originally the Hubbs and I wanted 4-5 babies. We had my son and waited almost 6 years to have our daughter. There were definitely a lot of circumstances that made us wait this long, but I think we made the right choice. After I had her we still felt like maybe having one more, but as time went by we decided we were done. The truth of the matter is kids require a lot of attention and we don't think we can give our children quality time if we have more. I constantly find myself having to sacrifice time with my son because my daughter needs me. I used to volunteer a lot at his school and now because I don't have a reliable babysitter during the day I cannot do this as easily. A lot of people just think about money when it comes to planning a family, but they should be thinking about time as well. More than money and possessions children need their parents to be there and nurture them. What's the point of having a lot of kids if you never get to see them because you have to work hard to support them? I believe if more parents realized this we would have less children out there doing anything to get a little bit of attention.
Big families where probably a great idea back in the 20th Century when life was slower and much simpler, but now in this hectic world, in my opinion, it doesn't make much sense.

Interracial Couple

While I was growing up I very rarely saw any interracial couples, mostly due to the fact that I lived in a predominantly Hispanic community. However, once I got older and began dating, I didn't find it weird to date someone of a different race or culture, it actually became the norm for me. Therefore, the reaction I got when I introduce my husband to my family and friends, was very shocking to me. I never expected any of them to have such prejudice against my husband for being white. Before then I hadn't even really realized we were an interracial couple. My parents and brothers where fine with my decision, but some of my cousins felt that I was making a mistake. They said we didn't have a thing in common and that our relationship wouldn't work because of the differences in our backgrounds, I decided to prove them wrong. It's amazing to me how we're in the year 2013 and people still find it necessary to stare at us when we're somewhere. What is even more amazing is that my race is the one that stares the most and that some of my family members still question my decision to marry a "white" guy. You would think that as diverse in culture as California is, nobody would find it unusual anymore to see an interracial couple.
As I mentioned before we have been married now for nearly a decade and together longer than that. Yeah, our cultures and backgrounds are different, but emotionally we are the right fit. I love him for who he is and not his background. I love that our children will grow up to know and learn from two different cultures. The way that I see it is, if you love somebody neither race, nor color should matter. At the end of the day we all have the same heart and the same color blood pumps through them.

A little bit of me

I thought this might be a good time to give a little of my background to you my readers. I'm originally from Mexico, but came to this great Country when I was 4. I have been married for nearly 10 years and have two kids, a boy and a girl. My son is in 1st grade and my little girl is only a year old. They keep me busy and although some times they drive me crazy, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm passionate about a lot of things like photography, scrapbooking, reading, and making crafts. Even though I don't get the opportunity to do these a lot when I do I love it and I will share these here as well. As I told you before I'm a stay at home mom and the reason why I started writing this blog was to express my feelings. With the hubbs being at work the majority of the time I rarely have anybody to speak to, at least anybody who can make conversation with me.
With that being said, the weekend is here and I'm excited. The Hubbs may have Saturday off, which means we might actually get to do something as a family. We don't get too many two day weekends, so when we do we try to take advantage and do something. A few years back his demanding work schedule would have created a lot of problems between us, but it is amazing how some things turn into priority. Have a great weekend everybody be safe!

Determination

Yesterday the hubbs asked me about a workout dvd I had purchased a while back. He didn't ask me for it for him, instead he asked about it indirectly to ask if I was still working out with it. He made me feel like crap primarily because in a way I know that was his way of telling me I'm lagging it in the weight loss. I'm not mad at him for hinting at this, but it did made me a bit sad. It mostly made me sad because I wish dearly that by now I would be smaller than I am right now.
However, I have began to get a hold of my bad eating habits. I have stopped drinking soda and even though each day is a challenge, so far I have stayed in the straight and arrow. I have not been eating out at all, but my eating habits at home can be better. I have to retrain myself to eat every 2-3 hours in small portions. I don't know why this is so hard for me, it's almost like something in my brain is telling me that we're going to run out of food or something and I need to eat more. Hopefully I can get rid of that bad habit fast because it is really deterring me from my goal.
I wish I could get back that willpower I had before I found out I was pregnant. I think back to that time and I remember how awesome I felt. I was eating extremely clean and would exercise daily. For the first time in my life I felt like I was in control. I was sticking to a healthy lifestyle and achieving weight loss the right way. It was teaching me discipline and hard work and I loved it. Some times it truly makes me feel sad that I can't get back to that mind set. Lately though I've been trying my hardest to get back on the wagon and when I do I will be unstoppable I promise you this.

Huntington Beach, California

I love taking pictures, I'm not a professional, but it is one of my favorite hobbies. I take pictures of everything and anything. I love it because to me pictures represent beautiful memories that can stay still in time forever. Every Wednesday I will share some of my photography with you. I hope you enjoy it. To hit off this tradition I want to share with you a bit of where I live. I'm from California and we're known for our great weather and beaches. One of the most popular beaches here is Huntington Beach. During the summer that is one of the best beaches to go to. I recommend it to anyone touring our state. You will not be disappointed.

The Huntington Beach Pier

The Scenery is unbelieveable

Yes, we have some of these too.

 

 The Sunsets are Beautiful

Marriage Talk

Lately I've been asking myself a couple of questions. What makes a marriage or relationship work? Why are so many people stuck in loveless relationships? I have friends whom are married that constantly complain about how unhappy they are with their spouses. It is never for one particular reason either, it seems like they're unhappy with the relationship overall. The way I see it if something or someone is making your life miserable then get it away from it as fast as possible.
When I have advised friends to leave the relationship if it makes them that unhappy, they answer with it's not that easy.  I know it is not especially when you have a family, but some times it is the best thing to do. Being in a loveless marriage doesn't only make one or two people unhappy, it affects the entire family and some times the children more than the parents. My husband and I had to walked away and it was the best decision we could have made when it came to our marriage. We walked away twice, but we realized in the end we really wanted our marriage to work. The separation made us realized what we had was worth fighting for and we decided to work on it. This was 5 years ago and since then our relationship has been stronger than ever.
I understand that it doesn't always work out the way it did for us, but some times you need to loose something to value its existence.

Scheduling

I some times wish there were more hours in the day. I always start off my day with all these plans and a list in my head of what I need to do, but I don't get to finish it all. Then it rolls on to the next day and I already have a full list for that day. This of course causes me not to do a lot of the hobbies that I love, which are scrapbooking, reading, photography and finishing various DIY projects.
However, I know that the reason why I do not get everything done is because my schedule is completely out of whack. I'm making it my mission to get on a schedule and stick to it. I'm at a point where I feel like I need to really organize myself. They say kids need schedules and I feel like mother's do too. This will give me more time to do what I need to do, but also to get some of my hobbies in there.

To Work or Not to Work

I'm at a crossroads in my life right now. I have a big decision looming over me, whether to go back to work or be a stay at home mom. To a lot of people this might be a no brainer, but to me it is not.
I have worked since the age of 15 and taken care of at least my basic needs. With the birth of both of my children I have quit work to take care of them. Although, I do not regret these decisions, it is hard to fully depend on someone for financial support. The hubbs has made it known that he is not very happy at work right now and he's extremely stressed out. His situation at work is creating stress for me at home because I feel uncertain of his future there and of course of our finances. This has sent me into "get a job mode" and the hubbs doesn't understand my apprehension. Every time I bring up the conversation he says he doesn't think its a good idea and we end up getting nowhere. He is reacting like I'm doubting his ability to take care of our family, but I just want us to have a safety net in case something does happen. For now we haven't been able to compromise, but I still feel the need for me to be prepared. 

I love my children with my entire being, but some times being a stay at home mom makes me feel like a fish out of water.

No love for Valentine's Day

I don't believe in celebrating Valentine's Day. I know this might sound like I'm bitter about the day, but I'm really not. I just think it has become a very commercialized day and it is no longer about love or friendship. In my opinion people celebrate it now to keep up with the trend. When I was single I began to see how a lot of my friends automatically expected something on that day and if they didn't get it their boyfriends had a lot of making up to do. When the hubbs and I began dating I made it a point that I didn't want him to get me something on that particular day just because everyone was expected to do it. I would rather have someone give me something because they thought about me out of the blue and not because they felt they had to do it. The hubbs agreed with me and I have learned to love his randomness. When I least expect it he comes home with a little something and that is more of a surprise than a heart filled with chocolates on Valentine's Day.

Before I didn't celebrate the day at all, now because of my son I have learned to deal with the friendship side of it. We get him little Valentine cards for him to give to his little classmates at school, it's adorable more so because they celebrate without an agenda behind it. They're sincere.
Don't get me wrong I have nothing against the people who choose to celebrate the day, it's the fake feelings and commercialism behind it that make me not want to celebrate it myself.

Loosing It Again

I have struggle to loose weight since having my daughter and lately it is really getting to me. Before I found out I was pregnant in the summer of 2011, I had lost 50 lbs. I felt great physically and emotionally. Then I found out I was pregnant and it became harder for me to stick to a healthy lifestyle. Right after I had my daughter I lost the 35 pounds I had gained while pregnant and a bit more. I was walking everyday and I had even began running. I was getting into a good rhythm and it seemed like I was picking up where I left off, when suddenly I got hurt and my daughter got sick. I stopped walking and I haven't been able to get back into working out regularly. Everyday I tell myself this is the day when I'm going to jump back in the wagon, but that's not the case. I used to think that been a stay at home mom would be easier for me to live a healthy lifestyle, but it has proven to be the opposite. I had more discipline while I was working then I do now that I'm at home. I believe it has a lot to do with the fact that I don't follow much of a schedule while at home. I desperately wish I could get that motivation I had before.
The last time I began my weight loss journey, I also began a blog and it was helping me a lot to share my feelings. Hopefully it is something I can do this time around as well. 

What they don't tell you about Breastfeeding

A little over a year ago I had this awesome idea to breastfeed my baby girl. I didn't have the opportunity to do it with my son for too long because he was born premature and the hospital nurses got him used to a bottle (story for another time). Therefore, with my daughter I was determined to breastfeed no matter what, I wanted that "special" bond every nursing mother talks about. It started off rough for both of us, but I wanted to succeed, especially since nobody around me supported the idea and I'm a bit of a "I'll show you" kind of gal. All was great until around the 4th month when I got a clogged duct and omgoodness let me tell you that SUCKS! I was in so much pain and the remedy was probably more painful than the actual situation, but I got over it. I continued to nurse, a little apprehensive, but continued none the less and around the 9th month I got an infection on the other side. Needless to say I was over this breastfeeding idea.
 Look it's true that you build a great bond with your child that can't be put into words, but what they forget to mention is the other side of nursing. The possible clogged ducts, the infections, the bites once these munchkins get the first little teeth, how super attached they get to you and not to mention the whole part about plan your schedule around breastfeeding so your boobs aren't engorged and hurting.
My daughter is a year now and she still wants to nurse non-stop, every time I attempt to wean her it's a crying session and she won't take the bottle at all. I feel bad about not feeding her so I give in after a while. I want to wean her desperately because I'm completely over breastfeeding, but I feel guilty at the same time. Some people tell me that she will give it up once she's ready, but I'm ready now! I never imagined this would turn into such a headache. I'm all for that special bond and if I could do it again with my daughter I would in a heartbeat, but you better believe I will not do it again if we have another kid.

The Aftermath of Birth

I never gave postpartum depression much thought. After I had my son almost 7 years ago, I never felt sad or any of the symptoms related to it. I quit work to become a stay at home mom and it was one of the happiest times of my life.
The second time around has not been as smooth as the first time though. This transition to becoming a full time mom has not been easy at all. It's been almost a year now since I quit my job and I'm barely getting into the groove of things. Since having my daughter I wouldn't say that I have felt sad or depressed, just unmotivated. Unmotivated to continue my weight loss I had began before I got pregnant, to finish different projects I began, or to go back to school. It's been hard for me to get myself in a schedule, much less my daughter and it's extremely hard to do it when you have absolutely no motivation. Unfortunately, it's hard for me to talk to anyone around me about it, they may not understand it, especially since in my culture that is a taboo subject. Among Hispanics postpartum depression is non-existent and if you feel any related symptom you better hurry up and get over it, sad to say, but that is how it is.
It has taken me a while to realize and accept that I may be going through some sort of depression, but now that I have, I feel like I can move forward. This is part of the reason why I created this blog, so that I can have a way to vent my thoughts and feelings.

The misconception

I love my children, I truly do. They are the biggest blessings in my life, my oldest is 6 and my youngest is 1. I'm blessed to be a stay at home mom, but sometimes I find myself wishing I could go back to work. I have worked since I was 15, therefore it is quite hard for me to have to depend on the hubbs for financial support. When I was working I would often dream about being a stay at home mom for my son, now that I have the chance it is not as glamorous as I thought it would be. It is definitely more work than a 9-5 job and I don't get breaks, it is a 24 hour job. At the end of the day I'm exhausted and I realize I still didn't get everything done. A lot of people tell me I'm lucky to be able to stay home and have the hubbs support me and I'm truly blessed I am, but it is not as glamorous as everyone thinks it is.